Sex and Politics

Dear Robin:

My husband and I are having an ongoing, long-term disagreement about sex.  We are both in our early 40s; I am a stay-at-home mom to three kids (ages 7-14) and he works 50+ hours per week as an engineer.

The problem, in a nutshell, is that I don’t want to have sex nearly as often as he does.  I spend all day taking care of the kids and the home, and frankly I am just too tired to think about sex most nights.  I just want to read my book, surf the Internet, and go to bed early.

I go along with his desire about 3 times a month, but he is unhappy and unsatisfied.  He wants to have sex 2-3 times a week – are you kidding me?

Robin, how do I get my husband off my case and make him appreciate the physical relationship we have?

Signed,

Annoyed in Arizona

Dear Annoyed:

I thought about how to respond to your question for several hours yesterday.  Some suggestions I had been thinking about were probably what you and countless others have read in other advice columns: Spice it up!  Rent a sexy movie!  Make special time for each other!

Then I realized, the answer to your problem is really pretty simple.  Honey, you gotta fuck your husband.

From your letter, I gathered the following: you do not have a job, and all of your three children are in school, so you have several hours throughout the day all to yourself.  Your husband works at a difficult job and, lucky you, is still interested in a physical relationship with his wife.  My guess is that he doesn’t just want to get his rocks off; he wants to connect with you both physically and emotionally, and sex is a way to do that.

Or maybe not.  Maybe the dude is just horny.  But here’s the thing: sex is an important part of any long-term relationship.  People who think they will still be climbing-the-walls hot for each other after several years and some kids together are fooling themselves.  Sometimes it’s a struggle just to complete the act.  But complete the act you must, and here’s why:

If you don’t fuck your husband, someone else will.  

The same goes for husbands, obviously.  We can wring our hands and clutch our pearls, and whine about how both parties should be equally interested in engaging in the Act, but the fact is, we aren’t always on the same wavelength with our partner on a host of issues, including sex.  But the spouse who continually waves off the advances of his or her partner will someday realize: “hey, he/she hasn’t tried to get in my pants for a while.  That’s odd!”

It’s not odd – they just got tired of rejection and went somewhere else for affection.  

So, Annoyed in Arizona, I suggest you figure out a way to find a compromise with your husband and get excited about Sexy Time, or learn how to fake it if you want to stay married.

Also: Spice it up!  Rent a sexy movie!  Make special time for each other!

Good luck,

-Robin

Dear Robin:

I am in a tough spot.  Someone I know did something really awful to several members of their own family.  Everyone is demanding that I stand up to them and hold them accountable, but I have my own problems at home.  What should I do?  Should I intervene, or should I just let them work it out on their own and stay out of it?

B.O from D.C.

Dear B.O.:

I don’t envy you.  You have been put in a terrible position and no matter which way you go you will piss off a host of people.  I suggest you hold off for the time being, and if they do it again, go kick some ass.

-Robin